Peace

Could anyone else use a little peace right now? Am I the only one?

This year has been crazy with all of the uncertainties, the constantly changing circumstances, the unknowns, and the stress. We’re living through something almost no one alive has lived through before. When each month begins, I think, “This month is going to be good. Finally, we’re going to have a better month.” Then BAM. I’m hit out of nowhere with something.

Just our small family has dealt with losses, many illnesses, a surgery, and multiple trips to the emergency room. We’re facing things we’ve never faced before and at this point I’m almost at a loss for words. It. just. Keeps. Coming.

This is me here…waving my white flag.

One thing I have realized is that I’m terrified of the past repeating itself. More specifically…something awful happening to my husband or boys. Once you’ve been blindsided the way we’ve been in the past, you try to prepare yourself the best you can. I know it might not even happen (odds are good it won’t),  but I never want to be that shocked again. Ever. So, I try to prepare for the worst in my own mind. All the time. Let me tell you…it’s mentally and emotionally exhausting. (Yes, I am working on this.)

That’s what anxiety does to a person. It causes them to worry about a future they have no control over. It can keep you up late at night thinking of all of the things that could go wrong…because of all of the things that HAVE gone wrong. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and the enemy loves to use my anxiety to mess with me. Once we make it through one trial, another one comes.

I was listening to a song tonight by Natalie Grant that talks about losing a child….and how the parents feel as survivors. She explains that in those moments of grief, we’re being shown what it really feels like to be held by our Savior. She asks why we should be saved from these painful experiences? We’re not immune to strife and trials. The promise wasn’t that those things wouldn’t happen….the promise was that we’d be held and He would be with us when they do. I can tell you from my personal experience that when those awful, horrible, almost indescribable events happen, you really can feel God holding you.

In John 16:33, He tells us that in this world we will have trouble. He doesn’t sugar coat it; He doesn’t deny it. He simply tells us that we will experience hardships and heartache. It’s part of being here on earth. But the rest of the verse encourages us to take heart, because He has overcome the world.

We’re not going to have perfect, pain free lives. We’re going to face loss and diagnoses and physical ailments. We’re going to face rejection and pain. It’s inevitable. Our anxiety might rear its ugly head when we ponder too long on these things. My anxiety leads me to want to have control over my life and my families’ lives, thinking I could somehow protect them better than God. (Isn’t that awful?! I hate admitting that!) But no matter how hard I try, hardships still come. It’s time to relinquish control again (this is an ongoing process for me) and rest knowing He has a plan for each of my boys’ lives. A plan that the enemy can’t thwart because he’s not powerful enough. A plan that will reveal itself as time goes on. I know His plan is perfect and I need to trust it.

That’s where peace comes into play tonight. I’m wide awake at 3:45 am…worrying. And what will that do for me or my family? Nothing. Nothing is gained by worrying except more anxiety or an ulcer…and no sleep. So, I will lay it down (AGAIN)…get my words out on here (sometimes my way of journaling) and rest in the peace I know He will give me.

I pray your year has been better than ours, even during a global pandemic. Know that trouble might come your way, but you have a God who is still in control. He is still on the throne. Rest in the peace that He freely gives.

Leaving this here if anyone wants to listen. It’s Natalie Grant’s song, Held. (I own no rights to this song.)

 

2 Comments

  1. CATHY DONALD

    I am right there with you Rochelle, handing over control – again! Thanks for this post!

    Reply
    • rochelleb@me.com

      Cathy,

      I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment before. The notification of it went to my spam folder and I just saw it. I surely would’ve responded much earlier.

      It’s hard to handle over that control. Ugh….Best wishes to you and thank you for the comment. We have to just keep submitting it to God! God bless you…

      Reply

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